Blog and Podcasts

12/7/2023

Intimacy Troubles in Your Relationship

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Many couples go through a period of time where they find that they are less than satisfied with their intimacy in their relationship. They used to have great intimacy and somehow it changed. Many couples can’t figure out why it changed and how to get it back. While it is normal to have phases and changes in intimacy over time, it doesn’t have to be the “new normal” and stay that way. Here are some factors that may be contributing to your intimacy troubles in your relationship:

Emotional connection. If the emotional connection between you and your partner is not there then it makes it more difficult to want to be intimate.
Communication. If there is a lack of communication or unhealthy communication in the relationship this can lead to conflict but also emotional disconnection.
Confidence. If a partner or both is not confident in themselves or is struggling to “like” themselves then this can have an impact of how confident they might be during intimate moments.
Time. Many couples discuss not having time for intimacy. This is where it is important to schedule time and make it a priority to emotionally connect, communicate and focus on the relationship.
Crockpot vs. Microwave. Knowing if your partner is a crockpot (needs time for preparation and build up to the intimacy) or a microwave (doesn’t need a lot of preparation or build up for intimacy) can help meet the intimacy needs of your partner.
Love language. While intimacy in the relationship should be a priority and is healthy, it is not the only love language. Try getting to know what your partner’s love language is and work to help them feel fulfilled in their love language. This will also help create more emotional connection and confidence in the relationship.
Physical Touch. Many couples discuss not having but wanting intimacy that does not lead to intercourse. There are many different ways to be intimate including holding hands, cuddling, kissing etc… that doesn’t have to lead into more. It can just be a way to connect physically and emotionally.
Medical. Sometimes there are situations that might need a medical professional to look for hormonal, nutritional or vitamin imbalances that could contribute to one’s desire for intimacy or ability.

All of these factors can be addressed and worked on in your relationship. Your situation is not hopeless. Many if not most couples experience intimacy issues during their marriage. Intimacy, just like other parts of your relationship, evolve, change over time and can deepen your connection.

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9/12/2022

I want counseling, now what?

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So you have decided to focus on yourself and have started exploring the idea of counseling. Congratulations, you have taken the biggest step of all towards a healthier, stronger you. The counseling world can feel overwhelming and confusing if you are not familiar with it. Here is some information for you when you are looking for the right counselor and what to consider.

The most important factor is making sure that you feel like the counselor you choose is the right fit for you. So how do you know? Things to consider:
1. Gender: would you feel more comfortable with a man or woman?
2. Age: do you prefer to work with someone older or younger?
3. Religion: Does it matter to you if the counselor has a certain religious affiliation?

There are many types of mental health professionals all with different levels of education, licensing, and certifications. Having professional credentials means that the therapist has completed years of specific training to help people with mental health concerns. This communicates a level of understanding and competence required to not only help people but also to avoid harming them. Here in Texas you will find LPCs, LPC- Associate, LMFTs, LCDCs, RPTS, PH.Ds and MDs. Do a google search to find out what license(s) works best for you.
When trying to find the right therapist, it is okay to ask their fees and if they take insurance. If they do not take insurance and your insurance company reimburses for out of network providers, ask if they would provide you with a superbill after your sessions. This is the receipt you will submit to the insurance company.
You want to make sure you are taking into consideration what your scheduling limitations are, as well as the location of the counselor you are looking into. Sometimes it is worth a little extra drive time or adjusting your schedule if you find the right counselor.

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10/20/2021

THe cbt triangle

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Sometimes we get stuck in our own thoughts and it is not a good thing because we might have negative thought patterns. Did you know that our thoughts, feelings and reactions are all connected? So what we think affects how we feel and act. What we do affects how we think and feel. How we feel affects what we think and do. By recognizing a negative thought and reframing that thought you can also change the feeling or lessen the feeling which then could change your reaction. Lets look at the steps for how to reframe your negative thoughts:

1. Identify a common negative message you often say to yourself.
  For example: “I am a failure.”
2. Ask yourself if there’s a purpose for this thought or message continuing. Is it trying to help protect you in some way?
3. What is the evidence against your thought?
  For example: “Actually I have a couple of hobbies I am really good at or I remember that one project I did really well.”
4. What would my wise self or spiritual say about this?
  For example: “I am a capable smart person who is doing my best.”
5. What’s a more helpful thought I can tell myself and believe right now?
  For Example: I always do my best and although sometimes I may fail, I also have great successes.”
6. Once you have a more helpful thought that you can believe, write it down somewhere, or store it on your phone, and remind yourself of it often. Make it a habit to notice the old thought and correct yourself with the new thought as much as you can.

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12/9/2020

feeling emotionally connected

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Often times couples that have been together for awhile or have experienced the life change of having children will find themselves struggling to feel emotionally connected to their partner or spouse. They will often say that they do not feel the same way they used to about their partner or spouse and that they want to feel closer to them emotionally. This can happen because life is busy and it can be challenging to find things to talk about other than work, the kids, the chores, the house etc… Here is a fun activity to help you begin rebuilding or strengthening your emotional connection with your partner or spouse.

Set aside 30 minutes 2-3 days a week of uninterrupted (no TV, no phones and no kids) time to devote to this activity.
Get table topics cards ( eg. Our Moments: 100 Thought Provoking Conversation Starters for Great Relationships) or a guided conversation for couples book (eg. Couples Therapy Workbook: 30 Guided Conversations to Reconnect Relationships)
Take turns asking each other the answers and engaging in a conversation about the questions and answers.

That’s it! Taking time to talk about things outside of your normal routine can be refreshing and elicit different communication with your partner and spouse that might be missing.

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6/18/2020